Service Learning Week 12: 'Thoughts and Feelings'

Xa Me is coming to an end... and this will be our last week seeing the children. Last Thursday we had our goodbye dinner with pizza, chips, soda, and candy. It went pretty well and the kids went crazy during the games we played afterward. I think they get this way when they see new people and new things in general. Overall, my experience with Xa Me has been a whirlwind. Sometimes it was very tough, but other times it is also very chill. I'm going to miss the children a lot.

Overall, I've learned a lot about the organization, but only indirectly and through mostly the lens of myself (an outsider) and the children. There hasn't been that much contact with the people in charge at all. IN fact, I don't think I don't think I'd ever see them again even though we're leaving. It's a little bit sad, and I'm not sure what's their intention of us being there...but maybe it's just because we need to better communicate next time. Perhaps this is something future cohorts can do.

Spending time with Xa Me's children is truly something that has made my EAP experience unique here. In particular, I think I've really improved my Vietnamese speaking abilities by working here. Besides from this though, I think I've really gotten to know more of the youth/'disadvantaged' youth in Hanoi. They have taught me a lot, and images of their faces will always in my mind. In fact, they are already am as I am writing this blog! I will miss them. I know it's probably not realistic that I will ever see them again, but I hope that our 4 month stay there has been something significant and meaningful for the children. Something that we can both move on from and learn from as we continue on our separate pathways. I wish the best for the children at Xa Me. <3

UCHANU Week 15: A lil of EAP and UCHANU to the US. TO ALL HANU BUDDIES

I can't believe this is my last blog for UCHANU. Time sure has flew by, and there's so much to tell. I've learned so much about myself, my peers, my surrounding, the culture and life in VN, Vietnamese, history, language, development, volunteer work in hanoi, notions of 'assimilation', being a (privileged) foreigner, and a little bit of my parent's past life before we left.

A way I can keep these memories alive is by keeping in touch with hanu buddies, talking to people about EAP VN (through my gilman scholarship), and finding ways to come back to VN (through some programs I've been thinking about). Talking to my parents more about their memories in VN. Keeping in touch with Thay and Co. Helping out UCHANU in any way I can. Fight to keep the program alive/from budget cuts back in Berkeley. Explore Berkeley and other places in the US like how I would explore vietnam. Sêe things in a new critical light as I would in VN. Continue on with my adventurous curious side. Look through my photos and reflect back on our experiences in VN. Plan for a return trip again!


There's just so much to explore, see, and share. Being less restricted by monetary reasons in VN, I feel so much more free. So much to soak up, culture and friends. I love the vibrant streets of VN. There's so much life walking out into the streets. So much interaction. Everyday you walk out can be a new adventure and new person to meet. In the villages, it's so beautiful. So much green. So peaceful.

Besides from the lifestyle and the fun and new sites to see, all the traveling and exploring, I'm going to truly miss all of the HANU buddies I've met here in our class. Some of you I've gotten to know better than other, but I will miss ALL of our shared memories and each of your unique personalities. It sucks so much we don't get to hang out more. Being in VN for the past 4 months has been very meaningful to me, because I consider myself to be Vietnamese, too. Thank you so much for sharing with all of the cool things about Vietnamese culture, yourselves, and your family. I'm crying now as I'm writing this! But truly, without each of you welcoming us into your country and family, our experiences wouldn't be the same. Without you, our experiences in VN would be less meaningful. Thank you so much! I love all of you.

Service Learning Week 11: 'self and identity'

As our time with Xa Me is coming to an end, I wonder whether or not I've met my goals for this service learning experience. My goals were to establish trust among the students, being someone who they can talk to and share things with, and provide them with resources for life after high school. Looking at where I am now, I think I have fulfilled the first two goals. The children are quite used to us as they see us for very long periods of time twice a week. They act themselves, and share many things with me, including sensitive issues that they experience in Xa Me. As with the third goal however, I have failed. Turns out that this goal wasn't as realistic as I thought it would be, since it was hard for me to know much/gather information. Not only this, but it was also hard for even Thuy Linh to talk to the children about jobs and college because they were too young and not interested. It's hard to know how to stir interest in them about the future, something that is so far from their thoughts now. Stirring inspiration is one of the issues we've had at Xa Me.

But through building trust and relationship, I feel as though I've gotten to know each student more and more. Although I'm sure situations are different when we are not there, for example, some of the girls tell me that there are a lot more fighting when we are not around. However, when are the there, the children who act out wouldn't dare to do it in front of us. There are other times with conflict arise, and I see how because of our presence there, some of the children react accordingly. Nevertheless, I think I've still gotten to know a good deal about each of them'selves' and their 'identities' to go along with it. Each of them are unique and beautiful. I'm so glad to get to know each of them. It has been a privilege getting to know the youth at Xa Me, and I am truly saddened to leave. Their smiling and sometimes not-so-smiling faces is something I will always keep as I come back to America. :(

UCHANU week 15: Group Work

It's bêen quite interesting working in groups here. It has definitely brought up some challenges. I think first and foremost working in groups here (in VN) has a lot of different dynamics because we are in a foreign country. So of course there's language and cultural 'barriers' but also emotional, social, and intellectual issues tơo.

With my Kiem An Project group, there aren't many tensions, but we aren't tơo close either. But we get our work done. We aren't tơo cohesive for a number of reasons: language, roles, and what each of us think we can contribute. But I try to be very flexible and to go with the flow. I think with any gơod team work, there has to be a gơod foundation. We nêed to understand where everyone is coming from and what expectations we have on our project. I'm not sure how well that was established in the beginning, but i think we are doing just fine, just not super close as we could have bêen in order to produce better results. I realize that you have to be very persistent and put in a lot of energy if you really want to make your group super cohesive and effective, especially when members of the group don't naturally 'click.' We aren't so bad though, since we did win '1st' in UCHANU Survivor :P

With Xa Me, it has definitely been tough. Not only is it tough working at Xa Me, and doing culturally appropriate activities with the children and context, group work and mêetings are rough. Sometimes things get very frustrating for me, but I think it has bêen a gơod learning experience nevertheless. Never have I bêen so challenged before and my patience tested. But because of this, I think it has made it a better experience for me. Things are always better when they don't come to you so easily. Overall, I've learned a lot of things about how I can make things work, different techniques and strategies to not go crazy, when to compromise and when to not compromise.

Group work is always interesting and sometimes it's a hit and miss. It all depends on what kind of attitude you come into the group with. Your attitude determines the trajectory of the group. With a positive attitude, patience, and clear communication, anything can work.

Service Learning Week 10: society

I remember noticing that many of the girls at Xa Me have really long hair. I asked one of them once if they would ever cut their hair. She said no, because Ba wouldn't let her. It is the same case for several other girls tơo. I asked why, and they say that she just don't let them, or would yell if they did. They also said that the younger girls could have shorter hair, but not the older girls. I thought this was interesting, because I think society kind of dictates how a girl should lơok like. Ba here, reinforces the idea that women should have long hair on these girls at a very young age.

This happened a while ago, but I haven't mentioned it on here. One of the girls was 'kicked out,' and I was very upset when I heard about it. She was one of the students I really connected with, and I was so sad to know that I'd never sêe her again, and that she left in such a way. At first I asked the older lady there (who cơoks and is the adult figure there for the children) where the young girl was, but she just said that she went to her 'que' in a reluctant manner. A little lady, another young girl (who is close friends with the absent girl) told me the truth, although she wouldn't tell me specifically why her friend was kicked out. Mostly though, she said it was because Ba was 'fed up' with her because she might have bêen doing some things Ba didn't approve of. I always ask about this young student, and ask her friend if she's bêen in contact with her. Out into the 'real society' I wonder what she is doing and whether she is better off.

UCHANU week 14: Nghe An

This weekend at Nghe An was amazing. At first it was a little hard talking to the locals, because we were surrounded by such cute little kids. But I somehow managed to talk to a few folks (mostly parents of the children) at the second school we went to. I learned a few things about the topic we always talk about: 'development.'

One of the ladies told me that she's heading off to Malaysia in a week because she was promised a job there. Her telling me this was a bit shocking. I've studied about these types of things, but it was another to actually hear from a person who might do something like this. She's afraid of being con-ed (tricked). Her comment really concerned me, but I didn't know what to say. I was subconsciously reminded of human and sex trafficking when she told me this. I felt so useless that I didn't know what to say to her in that time of need... I was afraid to say anything, because I know that if I did, they would have big consequences. She said that it cost her 20 million, which is a lot of money... what position must she be in to take a risk such as this? I couldn't help but be strangely reminded of my own family's risk to come to America, risking their own lives and all of their subsistence savings in order to go. What's similar in both situations (this lady's and my parents') is that they have no choice. How can I even begin to fathom what it would like to be in a situation like this? To risk everything you have in hopes of a better future, knowing that the chances out there are against you, but having no other choice.

Later when we went to the individual children's home, my group really got a load of information from the 3 houses we went to. One was very emotional. She talked about her husband's father being affected by agent orange, and her daughter that has asthma but insists on going to school and has several near-death experiences, and her son that has reoccuring headaches. They talked about not having a clean water source, just either pumping water from the ground, or using the stream. The houses they live in are only temporary, and structurally lasts for only 3 years. The government has initiated some aid programs, however they do not give them enough money escape the cycle of poverty. There aren't many resources around, and they just had electricity within the past several years, so it's been hard to 'develop'. It's freezing cold in the winter, and their houses definitely are not insulated to the very least. What's more, many of them are affected by health issues, with no nearby doctors around. Women give birth by themselves or with the help of family/friends. In all the households we went to, husbands are absent because they are off working in the forest to find log or off doing other temporary work, sometimes for several months. The land isn't very arable because there are floods and storms. They depend on the government aid to barely get by.

Hearing all of this information and being in their homes was all very overwhelming. I felt as though I have too much. Why is it these people have to live like this and I don't? What makes us different? Is it right for them to be treated like this while others have so much?

There is so much more to tell, but this is most of what I can remember. I felt as though the people needed so much more than jackets and warm clothing though. I wish we could really invest in this area with sustainable aid, support, and to spread awareness in the coming years to make sustainable change.

UCHANU Week 13: Hai Phong

Last weekend, I went to Hai Phong and visited Khuong and his family for his cousin's wedding. Mary, Vi, and Emily were also there to attend. It was a wonderful experience. We spent a lot of time with his family and friends. We raced on bicycles on the bumpy road that we couldn't see, because it was dark and there were no lights. Khuong was crazy. We swam in some big and deep river (or at least some of us did) and ate muc, drank beer, and joked mostly about love, in Vietnamese! We had a lot of fun, but beyond the fun it also very meaningful to me. Being in the presence of his family and friends made me reflect on many things. Playing with his nieces and nephews reminded me of my nephew and nieces at home. It made me think about my family and I got a chance to imagine what it would be like if my family lived in Viet Nam. Laughing, joking, and eating with his friends/relatives also allowed me to imagine what it would be like to do this everyday, and to grow up in VN. It is SO different from the United States. How different would my life be if I had grown up this way?

I felt as though this weekend was much more of what our 'homestays' in the Central and South should have been, but was nothing compared to it. It's just regretful that all of these feelings are coming to me at the end of the program. This past weekend in Hai Phong was more close to something I was hoping to find in my EAP experience. Glad that I got to experience it. Thanks so much Khuong! :)